Friday, December 23, 2011

35 minutes

As we grow up, we lose people... that is just the way everything turns out. I am completely fine accepting the fact that friends will come and go, people will pass away, and everything will eventually change. I'm smart enough to know that every friend I have will most likely move on and grow apart from me, I get it. There is just one friend I cannot and will not let go of- my sister. She is going to college soon and I am scared for my life. I am scared of losing her and having her completely disappear. She is a senior and the last thing I want is for this year to be over. I just came home early from a neighborhood Christmas party because all of the kids on my block wanted to drink for the occasion and I could tell just by looking at my sister that she wanted to join them. In response to that I knew well enough as to leave and just go home and let her, but if it was up to me, I would have taken her home, too. I can't picture her drinking, swearing, or even partying even though she does all of those things. If I can't even handle this small situation, how will I handle her in college? She will be "studying" at one of the top party schools and while that is happening, the last thing she will care about is me. I know it sounds selfish, but it's the way I feel. Losing her in just a few months scares the life out of me. When I have any problems, I end up telling her... so where will my backbone be? Who will I be able to talk to and tell my pointless stories to?  What will I do with all of my spare time? (It has been 35 minutes of her at my neighbor's house drinking- I can't stand this.)
So I think it is safe to say that I will be lost when I lose her and I don't know how to cope with the future.  I am dreading the day she leaves for college, I know I will just want to die that day. I'm really scared. Scared out of my mind.

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